White Crayon Becomes Obsolete

18 10 2012

Recent events have led no one to believe that white crayons are relevant.  In a random study where no one was involved the white crayon was observed to be the sharpest crayon in the box.  Someone who wasn’t involved with the study claims, “What’s the point of a white crayon?  There are so many colors to use that white is never an option.  You can’t even see it when you draw.  This should have been done long ago”.

Some people are not happy about the obsolete nature of the crayon.  “What if I’m trying to draw on Black construction paper?  I can’t use a black crayon.  When will it stop?”  That’s a good question.  When will it stop.

Someone familiar with crayons states, “There’s a white crayon?  I thought tan was a useless color.  I guess I was wrong”.  We went around and found someone else who was more familiar with crayons and they told us, “This is just like Pluto.  Not a planet?  Hmm.  I’m sure that the white crayon will be missed when it gone from the world.”

It will be missed.


Horn Enhancement Popular Among Teenage Ponies

8 10 2012

A disturbing trend is growing in the younger generation of horses.  Horn enhancement is all but a reality in this fantastical story.  Ponies are lining up to get horn implants giving them the appearance of a seductive unicorn.  It seems that popular culture would suggest Unicorns are more attractive than Ponies.  Mother and Fathers alike blame “My Little Pony” and Rainbows.

“‘My Little Pony’ has exploited the sexuality of Unicorns giving our children the wrong impression of beauty.  Rainbows are partly to blame to,” states a concern horse.

Titay, a former plain pony, suggests that horn enhancements is a self expression.

“Without it I’m not who I am.  My mom got a tattoo on her hind when ‘My Little Pony’ came out.  It’s the same thing, just with horns.”

No laws are being considered by the Steed party for fear of the ponies going underground.  A spokeshorse from the Stablehouse states:

“At this time we will not consider any laws to prevent this new trend of horn enhancement.  We feel by doing so will only encourage the ponies to go underground making it more risky.”

“I’m hoping this trend will end soon.  We are horses and we should be proud of who we are.  No more of this unicorn nonsense,” continues the concerned steed even though I was walking away to get my Triple Cappuccino.

Favre to Buy CFL

22 01 2012

Brett Favre announced maybe yesterday that he will be purchasing the Canadian Football League.  Rumor emerged after Favre was spotted hunting elk and accidentally dropped an “eh” during a conference he had at some point in the past.  Favre took this route when the Colts declined his offer to play quarterback after Peyton Manning went out for the season.

“We will not be accepting Favre’s offer to play.  Even though he is willing to pay us to play we feel we will have a better chance with Curtis Painter”, Caldwell tweeted.  The tweet didn’t post however due to it being too long and containing a link that was not approved by Twitter.  Twitter flat out refused to comment – even though I didn’t request a comment from them.  This is what some people like me are saying is the reason why Caldwell is no longer the Head Coach for the Colts.

Favre also maybe announced that with his purchase of the CFL he has called dibs on All Time Quarterback and will play QB for all eight teams.  A locker building will likely be built outside the stadiums for Favre.  Blueprints have been released…I have a sketch of what it is presumed to be in my head.

Unconfirmed Drawing of Favre's Locker

This transaction gets the CFL one step farther from combining with the NFL.  Roger Godell doesn’t approve of this transaction and tried everything he could to keep from happening.  Unfortunately he was preoccupied with the Player negotiations probably started by Brett Favre.

“I feel I have five more years in me” Favre said six years ago.  He feels this is the best way to show everyone that he still has a throwing arm and can be productive in a sport where retired American Football players go.  Like a high school band getting back together, Favre plans to take the CFL by storm, or at least a really bad rainy day.

Webster to Update Luck in the Dictionary

21 01 2012

An unofficial spokesperson from Webster Dictionary announced at some point in time that the word “Luck” was being updated to “Andrew Luck”.  People have already began to exclaim their excitement in the upgrade of a overrated four letter word.

“Luck was boring.  Overused and misused it has lost it’s meaning.  This change just reminds us that we all have something to believe in again.  I already feel my andrew luck growing,” says one man in a disclosed location.

Not everyone is pleased with the change, however.  A protest has been scheduled to be held in a woman’s basement where it will then be aired on the internet which is forecasted to get 1,213 views on YouTube, including friends and family and potential mockers.

“This change shows that Webster can still have an impact on society.  We are not just your grandfathers edition that sat on a bookshelf and was only used as a seat prop for the toddlers at Thanksgiving dinner.  We are still a force to reckon with.” states the unofficial spokesperson from Merriam-Webster.  “We believe all other dictionaries will follow suit and soon after – society.” continues the unofficial spokesperson even after I asked them to stop talking.

In the midst of a global downturn where people are at an all time low in all sorts of topics, this change to such an iconic word should have some positive effect on some of these topics.  It seems that there is always a silver lining to black clouds and we have found ours.  We should consider ourselves andrewy lucky.