Inventor of X-Ray Goggles Goes Blind

19 10 2012

Raymond Violet spent his whole life developing goggles that can actually see through solid objects.  Two weeks after Ray completed his prototype he lost his vision.

Artist Render of Raymond Violet

“It sucks ass.  I woke up that morning and thought my friends glued my eyelids shut again.  That morning was the first time I was going to try my goggles outside of the lab.”

Ray was all set to go to his local YMCA to fulfill a childhood dream of seeing inside a girls locker room.  “I was hours away from fulfilling a childhood dream of seeing inside a girls locker room.”

It is unsure how he lost his vision.  “I was excited about the opportunity of making my fantasy a reality.  I had been thinking about a lot lately and now I’m blind.  It’s a bitch.”

Ray doesn’t look at this as a handicap.  He claims that it will just challenge him to be better.  In fact his next invention will be to help blind people see through solid objects.  “Some people think I’m crazy for thinking it can be done.  Well, actually, they think I’m perverted and need help but they think I’m a little crazy.”


Horn Enhancement Popular Among Teenage Ponies

8 10 2012

A disturbing trend is growing in the younger generation of horses.  Horn enhancement is all but a reality in this fantastical story.  Ponies are lining up to get horn implants giving them the appearance of a seductive unicorn.  It seems that popular culture would suggest Unicorns are more attractive than Ponies.  Mother and Fathers alike blame “My Little Pony” and Rainbows.

“‘My Little Pony’ has exploited the sexuality of Unicorns giving our children the wrong impression of beauty.  Rainbows are partly to blame to,” states a concern horse.

Titay, a former plain pony, suggests that horn enhancements is a self expression.

“Without it I’m not who I am.  My mom got a tattoo on her hind when ‘My Little Pony’ came out.  It’s the same thing, just with horns.”

No laws are being considered by the Steed party for fear of the ponies going underground.  A spokeshorse from the Stablehouse states:

“At this time we will not consider any laws to prevent this new trend of horn enhancement.  We feel by doing so will only encourage the ponies to go underground making it more risky.”

“I’m hoping this trend will end soon.  We are horses and we should be proud of who we are.  No more of this unicorn nonsense,” continues the concerned steed even though I was walking away to get my Triple Cappuccino.

Snow prefer Shovels over Snow Throwers, a study suggest

13 03 2012

A study conducted by mere observation and hypothetical conversations with snowflakes suggest that snow prefer shovels to snow throwers 10 to 1.  “It’s a massacre” claimed one snowflake.  “What ever happened to a gentle push of a shovel to the side”.  Some snowflakes went as far to protest this killing of precious snowflakes.  They couldn’t be heard, however, due to their size and the fact they are snowflakes.

This doesn’t mean that humans haven’t heard.  Well not literally anyway.  The Save the Snowflake petition is kicking off with a 5K run/walk/sleep event.  Snow has been cleared from the streets to allow such an event to happen.  “This is going to be one of the biggest Snowflake 5K events in human history” is what I think the bearded man said.  I couldn’t really hear him over the noises of the snow throwers in the background.

Snowflakes will continue to be terrorized until a reputable University conducts a more thorough realistic survey.  Until then, love thy neighbor and thy snowflakes.

Calling All Coffee Shop Owners or Lover of Coffee

22 07 2010

I’m trying to get an idea of how many people would be interested in a Coffee Festival in Atlanta.  It would be the perfect place for a small coffee shop to promote its brand without a lot of headache.  It would be an open market where you can sell your coffee and compete in our barista competition and the unique blend contest.  Check out the website:

Let me know what you think!

It’s What’s on the Inside that Counts to 10

5 07 2010

There are times I realize I am not as grown up as I should be.  As a kid you admire your parents for acting so mature and, well, adult.  But then you magically wake up one day and realize you are at the point your parents were when you went to the zoo or when you took a car trip across state borders or when you ate ice cream outside.  If you take a second to think about it, kids are looking at you like you did at their age.  They think you are so adult.  So grown up.  When a teenager says to you, “You wouldn’t understand” then you can officially look in the mirror and say, “I’m all grown up”.  But it is important to keep those childish nature like things in your life.  Like eating cake without a fork (or your hands if you dare) or doing cartwheels in the grass...trying to appeal to both sexes here.  I do not in any way do cartwheels in the grass.

Another idea is ride a bicycle.  And I don’t mean in a way where you have to wear latex like clothes with streamline designed helmets and a pair of Oakleys.  No, I mean basket in front bell on the bar streamers in the wind bugs in your mouth kind of bike riding.  I mean chain popping, wheelie thrusting sidewalk patroning bike riding.  The kind that makes you feel like a kid again because you haven’t done it since you were a kid.

Don’t loose that kid in you.  There are all kinds of things out there that can destroy it. Bills, Job, Booze, Drugs, Peer Pressure, Video Games, Whole Wheat bread and Kashi Cereal.  The key here is to understand that without little mini you, you can not survive in this world.  We can only be serious for so long.  Soon it gets to the point where everyone only takes us seriously all of the time and that can create a lot of pressure on someone.  Showing a smile or a mere lack of forgiveness as kids do helps build a bi-segemental personality, one we can relate to.  This commonality is what creates a sense of understanding from other people and creates compassion.

We are nothing without this compassion.  We are just a coffin in the ground with no Eulogy.  And while we may, as the saying goes, die alone, we don’t have to live alone.


21 06 2010

In the midst of automobile purgatory, we are starting to see some brands rise from the dead.  With GM on the brink if going public again, SAAB trying to revitalize their image, Audi making an impressive show and Toyota banking on a forgetful America we are wondering what is next.  Cars will be cars when they are cars, but with this new uprising will it stimulate a new idea?

Electric cars are making their way to the scene as did the hybrids in the mid 2000’s.  Nissan’s Leaf and Chevy’s Volt have stolen the headlines with their dynamics, but is that all there is?  It seems that car companies are loosing interest in hybrid and electric as they have found ways to use less gas making an SUV a non-gas guzzler.  So what have they found interesting?  Design.  The time for space ships have arrived.  Short of flying, but designed for flight, cars are becoming more alien.  One that creates a double take…that’s what customers want.  Or is it?  Could this just be the fact that car companies have run out of ideas and are not just producing what Hollywood has made us believe to be the future?  You tell me…

As We Want To Remember

23 05 2010

Pick up a picture. It can be recent or one from the distant past. Take a good look at it and think about what you see. Chances are the people in the photo are smiling. The image is reflecting a time of happiness. Now, if you can remember when the picture was taken, try to think about what was going on and if that picture is a true reflection of the emotion present during this event.

Pictures are collections of how we want to remember our history. Unless you are a celebrity where paparazzi are paid to capture you in your worst time (because a angry J-Lo sells more copies), people are at their best when the flash goes off. This had become engrained in us since childhood when we were told to smile during family portraits. You know you were not happy during that picture and the last thing you wanted to do was smile, but if you didn’t you would not get any ice cream and that was not going to happen.

We live in a world where when sadness is captured on film it is considered art. Art, to simplify, is an imitation of life. Imagine the emotions that go through you when you pick up a LIFE Magazine and see the images reflecting world poverty and under privileged countries. This sadness imitated on film is what drives us to feel pity. With the camera in our control we do not want that same reflection on our lives. We want people to see our history not just joyous, but a collection of joyous activities that don’t define who we really are or where we truly came from.

We do have pictures that we look at and think, “We were really happy” and that’s good. I’m not saying every picture is a negative reflection, but the reason why you took that picture was to capture the true happiness you were feeling. It is all relative to how we feel and what we want to capture.

We also have those moments where we take a picture and don’t like how it turns out. So we take another one. We will continue to capture until we are happy with what the picture represents. No eyes closed, no fat faces or bunny ears. Just a perfect little rendition of our parody. Just like when we are at a show and someone is singing off key we loose the message and focus on the pitch, eyes closed in a picture takes away from the message and we focus on the flaw. At this moment pictures no longer are for our own enjoyment, but for others to understand that moment as we want to remember.