Chapter Two

9 10 2010

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I don’t remember when I was born.  I know it may seem a little obvious since no one remembers, but I felt it appropriate to state it.

Margaret came home to discuss the future of their child.  Their future as a couple would have to wait.  There was no time for them.  He was home, as he promised.  She opened the door and instinctively went into the living room where he usually sat when he was thinking.  She could tell how deep in thought he was in based off the television.  On and normal volume meant that he thought about it and then realized there were more important things at the moment.  On and lower volume meant that he was in and out of thought and would always find himself rewinding the DVR to revisit what he missed.  On and muted meant that he was hoping to use the TV to ignore his thought but figured out it was more important than what was on but left the TV on just in case he saw the opportunity for distraction.  This time the TV was off, which was not a good sign.

“What took you so long?  I’ve been here for an hour.”

His voice was calm.  He got this way when he knew he was in the right here and had control of the situation.

“I don’t know.  I guess I was just thinking.”

“Yeah, me too.”

She sat down on the couch and dared not to look at him.  She didn’t know if he was looking at her or not.  She was hoping he wasn’t but for that entire ten minutes he didn’t take his eyes off of her.

“Did you call the father?”

This question was like a knife in her heart.  It was the assurance that everything was understood and there was no turning back from this.

“I did, but he didn’t answer.”

“You need to talk to him first.  Then we will talk.”

He got out of his chair and grabbed his car keys and left.  The house was the emptiest it had ever been.

She laid her head down on the couch and closed her eyes.  She knew that darkness was better.

When she awoke the day was not quite over.  She had slept through lunch and found that is was time for dinner.  She was mad at herself for sleeping so long for that meant she would not sleep tonight.  She usually took sleeping pills but the current circumstances  did not allow her to indulge.  She made dinner and tried to call the father again.  And again.  And again.  She was still getting his out of service message.  She sat down and tried to eat but could not sit in the house any longer.

Margaret drove to his apartment to give him the opportunity to close the door, to make him the villain and her the victim.  She needed to feel that.  She needed to know she was completely cruel.  When she knocked on the door no one opened.  He was usually home on Tuesday nights.  He was pretty set in his routines and this was not one of them.

From across the hall the neighbor heard the knocking that went on for five minutes.  When he looked out the peephole he saw the woman whom he had seen come in and out many times.  He opened his door.

“Excuse me.  Are you looking for…”
“Yes.  Yes I am.  Do you know where he is?”
“He moved out today.  I saw him packing his things and …”
“Moved?  Where?”
“I don’t know.  He didn’t say.  He was with this blond girl and they just left.”

She began to feel sick.  How could he leave her?  She knew it was bound to end but why now?  Like this.  She made it to her car and decided to go to the office.  She couldn’t go back home and couldn’t think of anywhere else to go.  When she got to her desk she saw the yellow paper that verified the neighbors confession.  Angry she ripped it up and threw it across the room.  The yellow rain seemed to last hours when it only fell for seconds.  Her arms pillowed her head as she lost control and cried.

“I went to go see him.”

This phone conversation was one she dreaded but after she calmed down knew she had to make.

“He wasn’t there.  He left.”

He didn’t say anything.  He couldn’t.  There were words he wanted to say but didn’t know where to start.

“He found someone.  Some girl and they went to live with each other.  He disconnected his phone and left no contact information.  I can’t tell him.”

“Come home.  We will finish this discussion.”

This drive home was not as long but their conversation was.

“I don’t want an abortion.”
“I would never suggest that.”
“Well, at least we agree there.”
“Look, I don’t know what to do here.  I am angry as hell at you and all I want to do is pack up and leave.  And believe me, if you weren’t pregnant I would be gone.  But you are and I can’t leave you.  I can’t leave.   We can fight about this for the rest of our lives  but I will not abandon this child who has no idea what is going on.  We will go through this pregnancy and I will ensure this baby has a proper home-a good home and then we are through.”

She tried to interrupt him during his speech but he was too determined to say his piece.   She didn’t fight it as she knew she was at fault.  After he finished she covered her eyes so that he would not see her cry.  He just sat there without saying anything else.  The rest of the night was silent but they were together.

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