Chapter One

5 09 2010

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The room seemed bigger than it really was.  My face felt the roughness of the carpet that usually felt soft on my feet.  My body lied still on the ground.  There was no chance of me getting up.  No hope for me to kiss my family goodbye.  I was alone in this enlarged room with nothing but my breath reminding me that I had not died yet.  I closed my eyes from being tired but tried to fight them so that I would not let go.  I wanted to still open my eyes.  I wanted to continue to feel the carpet, but then…nothing.

Margaret went to see her doctor because she was feeling some pains she had not experienced before.  Her husband had forced her to go because he knew she was too stubborn to accept the fact that 40 was creeping up on her.  He had already gone through this part of his denial and could tell the signs she was showing.  She finally gave in as he promised her that she did not have to put out for a whole month.  With the idea of being able to go to bed without the stress of wondering if Steve was going to roll over and cuddle with intent seemed like Heaven, so she burdened the doctor’s visit.

As she waited in the office, she noticed a Woman’s Only magazine laying on the table.  The cover spoke of sexual promises, weight loss suggestions and home cooked pastries for the family to enjoy.  One particular teaser caught her attention: “Temptation in the Workplace”.  She picked up the magazine feeling like everyone else in the waiting room knew exactly what article she wanted to read and gave her judging stares.  Shaking the ridiculousness of that assumption, she continued to open the magazine and read the article.

It seemed to be a pretty basic article to begin with:  A younger man works in your office.  At first it was innocent flirting. He makes you feel younger, more energetic. You like the attention, something you haven’t gotten in a while. Thoughts may enter your mind but you know you would never do anything about it…or would you?

Margaret knew the answer.  It seemed that this magazine article was just flirting with the idea but never went into what to do if you actually acted on your temptation. This secret she had seemed to keep hidden well was one she almost considered a hobby.  She never really felt guilt. In fact, in some meetings with her coworker, she felt justified in her actions.  Her husband was never involved with her emotionally and changed into another person than from whom she married.  He was distant and would never take into consideration her feelings, her emotions.  It was always about him, except this secret she had.  This secret which was about to be known to her and her doctor.

Back at Margaret’s office there was a piece of paper which was placed there the night before.  This yellow, blue lined note was not something she would commonly encounter, especially from her secret.  The intention of the letter was directed at a sense of changes.  Life has moved on and their relationship had to end.  It was something that was bound to happen but with this comes new things.  He had found a girl, his own age, and she was moving away to take a job.  He had to follow her.  This was something he had to do because he couldn’t keep living this lie he had with her.  It’s funny that to him this was all a lie and to her it was just a secret.  But that is how it was to end.  He got on a flight without ever knowing what her, and now her doctor, knows.  She would be alone in this decision and could not understand how to change it.

She walked out of the doctors office with the phone in her hand wondering who to call first.  She couldn’t hide from her husband but she felt that the young man should know about this new life changing event.  When the doctor told her that she was two months along, she knew who it was because her husband was out of town for the entire month giving her multiple opportunities with her secret.  This realization is what is giving her pause on who to call first.  She knows how her husband will react so she calls the secret.  The phone rings once and then an automated voice announces that this number is out of service and can not be reached at this time.  She does not realize the yellow, blue lined note is in existence yet and that he is on a plane to restart his life with someone else.

Her fingers begin to shake as she is almost certain she will be alone now.  She does not want to dial the number but her mind convinces her otherwise.  She understands the damage is done and there is no turning back.  Abortion was never an option, for that she was sure, leaving only the inevitable break up of her and her husband.  She knew there was no way around it so she called him.  He answered immediately.

“How was everything?  What did the doctor say?”

Now he was being attentive?  Now he was showing concern?  Where was this three months ago when she was going through terrible crises at work and the only person that could understand her was half her age and available?  Had he’d been there for her, this would never had happened.

“The doctor said that I am pregnant.”
“Pregnant?!”  Excitement and confusion were in his voice as he was sure they had not have sex in a really long time. “That’s fantastic!”

She could tell he was trying, but failing miserably, at being supportive and excited of anything that was affecting her.

“I’m two months pregnant.”  She knew that is all she had to say for him to realize her infidelity.

There was silence on the other side.  She called his name to see if he was there.  Nothing was said.  He had dropped the phone and didn’t pick it up.  He had left the house and she would never see him again. He had…

“I’m coming home so we can talk about this.  The baby is the important thing here.  We can figure us out later.”

He hung up the phone as she was disconnected on her end.  A feeling of comfort came over her as she knew he would be there waiting for her.  She did not want to be alone for this and now she knew she wasn’t.  She smiled a bit before she realized that this would not last forever.  They were bound to end at some point.

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